March 25, 2010
Thursday

   TANJOBI OMEDETOU, KOSHINO-SAN!!!

   Yeah, it's this guy's birthday. The guy in Ryonan that Hanamichi almost picked a fight with. Oh hell yeah. This guy's hypertensive, according to our beloved genius. Well that's because he's easily angered and that he follows rules religiously that he tends to become boring. Not to mention a dry wit. But what I like about this guy is that he's very supportive of all his team members, very polite and he respects his elders. He's also one very determined person. And when I said supportive, I'm sure you guys all know what I mean, right?

Sendoh: Oh yeah, I know what you mean, Ding-chan. *grins*

Koshino: *looks at Sendoh and Ding* What are you guys talking about?

Sendoh: *chuckles* He doesn't understand a thing.

Ding: Yeah. He's totally clueless, Akira. This is your chance. *evil grin*

Sendoh: *smirks at Koshino*

Koshino: *gulps* N-nan da yo teme?

Ding: Oh, that's not a nice way to call your koibito. Ne, minna? *grins to everyone*

All: Sou, sou! *laughs*

   Ok, now let Akira do his thing on Koshino-san. After all, it's his birthday.

   Sore ja mata, tanjobi omedetou, Koshino-san!!!

------

Inside the clubhouse, the conversation continues...

All: Tanjobi omedetou, Koshino!

Koshino: Arigato, minna. *blushes*

Sendoh: *holds Koshino's face and kisses it very deeply*

All: Hooooooooo.

Miyagi: Ah, maniata!

Ding: And what's that suppose to mean, nii-chan?

Miyagi: Eh? Nan demo nai yo. I just said at last. Is that suppose to mean something?

Mitsui: It does, Miyagi. You could've added, "Our clubhouse is ours again." Hehehe!

Kogure: Hisashi, that's not a nice thing to say. *frowns*

Mitsui: I know, koibito. Joodan yo, joodan.

Ding: *frowns*

Rukawa: *shakes his head* Matta ku, aitsu ra wa. *puts his arms around Ding* Don't mind them. You very well know how these people could be.

Ding: Did I really...

Fujima: No you didn't, Ding-chan. I mean, we're all happy that you're here. Specially because it's Koshino's birthday.

Hanagata: Yeah, this day wouldn't be complete if the very person who got us all along isn't here.

Ding: Hountou ka?

Koshino: Of course, Ding-chan. It was all because of you that we're all here together.

Kakashi: Sou, sou. *grins*

Ding: Ah! Kakashi-sensei! Genki desu ka?

Kakashi: Genki da, Ding-chan.

Naruto: Ding-chan! Okaeri nasai!

Ding: Naruto! *hugs Naruto* How are you?

Naruto: Happy that you're here. Although I wasn't able to sleep well because of this teme.

Ding: Teme? Dare?

Naruto: Sasuke, of course. He's my room mate.

Ding: *looks at Miyagi* Nii-chan. Sore de, anata wa...

Miyagi: *grins*

Ding: Naruto, you're room mates with Sasuke?

Naruto: Sou. Naze da?

Ding: Then, the others?

Naruto: Hmmmmm. Sai and Gaara are roomies. So is Neji and Shikamaru. Kiba and Shino, too.

Ding: Kakashi-sensei wa?

Naruto: Iruka-sensai ni.

Ding: Oh wow! *looks ay Miyagi again* Nii-chan, kore wa ii yo ne!

Miyagi: Well, Hanamichi, Rukawa and I knew that this is what you would want.

Ding: Wow! Nii-chan... *looks at Hanamichi and Rukawa* Futari to mo...

All: *smiles*

Ding: Jaa minna. Since it's Koshino-san's birthday today, this calls for a celebration!

All: Yatta!

Miyagi: Videoke!

Kiyota: Ice cream!

Kiba: A large cake!

Hanamichi and Naruto: Fooooooooooooooood!

All: *laughs*

Ding: Yare yare.

Koshino: Ureshii.

Sendoh: You should be, itoshi. *kisses him on the cheek*

-------

♥ding♥

March 18, 2010
Thursday

   Tadaima! ^_^
  
   Yeah. It has been how many days since I last posted. So I guess it's time to update. Hehehe.

   Well let me start with what happened last March 14. One of the happiest days in my life. We celebrated our first month together. It was a vey nice and happy feeling. Well at first I thought I'd spend it alone since the day before that, my Midnight's phone got busted. His applications were sort of struck with a virus, according to him. He said that all applications on his phone are showing 'invalid' everytime he opens them. I thought, so much for missing each other, hu? But then, at around 10:30 PM, he gave me a missed call.

   The morning of March 14, when I woke up, the first thing that came into my mind was him. The moment I opened my eyes, I uttered "Happy monthsary, babe." I know it sounds crazy but that's what happened. Then I realized, what if his phone still isn't working? Am I gonna spend the day alone? It's our first month, after all. Sigh.

   But my happiness was immeasureable when I got to the office. I opened Zedge and there were 2 messages from him. He said that he can be with me today. And he did. We did. We celebrated it together. I won't go into details on how we celebrated but all in all, it's a very nice and great day. ^_~ I'm so happy.

   But it was short lived, though.

   March 16. He started acting weird. We were happily talking in the afternoon (morning in his place) but in the evening, he started acting really weird. It's as if his mind was elsewhere. He's acting so distant that I had to keep the conversation alive, which I don't normally do. Yeah, I really don't. That's because everytime we talk, he's the life of the conversation itself. Everything seems to lit up and spark everytime he's around. In fact, he lits up my very heart and soul. No matter what my mood is, he can make a 360 degree total turn to it and make me wear a smile on my face. He never fails on making me smile. From the day I met him 'til this very day. Everything he does makes me smile.

   But I guess even the happiest people do have their downtimes, sometime.

   Yesterday, he told me that negativity is just overwhelming him. I was asking him about the reason. His answer? He doesn't know. That caught me by surprise, actually. The most practical, rational, reasonable and brilliant person I've known so far gave me these 3 words for an answer to that very simple question. Don't get me wrong. I'm not angry. In fact, I'm worried. I am not used to him acting like this. And it's starting to affect me too. Yeah, girlfriend instict. I actually have this ability to connect an 'intution web' around the people I love. And I actually did not have any idea that I can connect it to him, too. I mean, I thought it was just for important people who are around me, who are near me. But I never realized that it would work for him, too. I mean, he's 3389 miles. And yet my girlfriend instinct is working on him. The miracle of love. And me, being someone who worries a lot over every trivial thing, started to ask him questions about what the cause really is, or that he should go back and think what really caused his 'depression' so that he can be able to eliminate that cause. Guess what? He told me that I'm just stressing him out all the more if I ask him these questions. According to him, his mind is racing back to the past.

   Yeah, I guess he was right.

   And with this, I started to doubt myself. Am I a good girlfriend? Am I a good companion? Am I taking good care of him? Am I doing a good job? He says yes. But then, why this? Why is he feeling like this? Why is he getting this negative feeling? Shouldn't I have chased it away? Shouldn't I have stopped those feelings from penetrating him? Shouldn't I have done something to prevent him from getting into the state that he is now? Shouldn't I have made him happy all through out? Heh. Come to think of it. I bombarded myself with questions, just as I did to him. I'm starting to think that there's something wrong with me too. I love him so much. Seeing him in this situation totally pains me. And what hurts me the most is that I feel like a total failure because I can't get him out of the situation that he's in right now. I feel so helpless and useless. I hate myself. I really, really hate myself. And to make matters even worse, Linkin Park's Leave Out All The Rest has been an LSS to me for the past 2 days, just right after he acted so distant. Everytime it goes to the chorus, tears are really starting to well up in my eyes. Then I'd feel it. The feeling that I'm a total failure. That I'm useless because I can't get him out of the shit that he's in. I hate myself because I can't do anything. Shit. I hate myself. I really do.

   But I can't. I must not.

   Everytime I feel weak, his words ring back to me.

   "Ur my strenght. If u go weak, I'll break..."

   I don't want him to break. I'll never let that happen. Not while I'm here.

   That's when I told myself, fuck self pity. That word should not exist between us. I can't negativity with another dose of negativity, right? I want my baby back. I want the cheerful, happy and confident Midnight back. Because to be honest, I'm starting to miss him. I'm starting to miss him so much, it hurts to look back to the past. T_T It hurts to remember how happy and confident my Midnight was, how he lights up everytime I'm with him, how he seems so happy everytime we talk, how he used to play those pranks on me (which I really miss, by the way), how he would kiss me and hug me and let me feel his love. Yeah, I just miss him. T_T

   Babe if you're reading this, I want you to know what I love you so much. I don't know what happened to you or what caused that. And you're right. In the end, it wouldn't matter. It will all come down to zero. You might not agree with that I'll say. But in the midst of everything that would not matter, you still have my love. You still have me. I hope that's enough to keep you sane in this totally insane world. That even if I'm 3389 miles, you'll still feel me beside you. Distance will not break us apart, right?

   Babe I'm your strength. And I'm willing to fight for you until the end. But babe, I can't do it alone. I need you by my side. If you choose to give up, then my fight is useless. We're already defeated. And we can't let that happen, can we? We can't lose. But I'm not forcing you babe. I just want you to know what whenever you need me, I'm just here. I won't leave you. Not even once. We're in this together babe. And I hope that when this fight's over, we're still together, holding each other's hands. I love you sooo much babe. So very much. I'll never leave u babe. I never will. <3 <3 <3

   To the rest who'll be very fortunate to read this. You might think I sound so exaggerated. You might think I sound crazy over my Midnight. You might think I sound so desperate. Well if do then the hell with what you're thinking. You should know how wonderful it is to love this guy. Then you'll understand how I feel and why I wrote this. ^_~

March 08, 2010
Monday

   Day two. I wonder if his exams start today.

   Well, I'm just anxious. But I'm sure I know that he can do it. I know that he can make it to the top.  That guy, I'm sure he's more intelligent that what I know about him. And he promised me something. He will make it to the top. I'm sure he can do it. ^_~

   Still the same song that keeps playing in my head. But I also remember the other songs that I dedicated to him. Especially the song Your Body Is A Wonderland by John Mayer. God I can't really help but smile everytime I hear that song.  Since February 14, the day I said yes to him, that song always plays. Be it at work, at home, in the mall or even when I'm riding a public vehicle. That song would always play (you don't have any idea about this, do you babe? ^_~). And yeah, I'd smile. And I would always remember those things that he's say to me everytime he'd think of something that relates to the song, if you know what I mean.

   I woke up with the song Vanilla Twilight playing on the radio. Then there it is, that missing feeling so overwhelmingly flooding my heart. I looked at his picture on my phone and there. Tears started forming in the corners of my eyes . But I fought in order for it not flow. And I'd think of my promise for him. I'm not losing the battle. I'd wait for him. I'd be his strength or else he'll go weak. And I don't want that. So I thought of all the sweet things he'd say to me. I'd even recall all those freakin' jokes and tricks he played on me, all of which I easily fell. Geez, I didn't know I was that dumb ^_^;. Then when I was riding a public vehicle going to work, Your Body Is A Wonderland played.  I tried to stop myself but I really wasn't able to control it. I grinned. I wasn't able to help it. At that moment, all his words came back to me. Everything. Geez, that guy..

   Ooops. Here I go again. Missing him. Heh, as if. I miss him all day and everyday. I can't wait for Saturday. I'm trying to get myself busy with anything that I can find but nothing. I try to spend my time with something but everything still reminds me of him.

   I'm bored. And missing someone. Sigh.

   I miss you so much baby. I love you. <3 <3 <3

♥ding♥

March 06, 2010
Saturday

   Well, today's my dad's birthday. My mom and brother went to Iloilo, my dad's hometown, to see him. Me? Well here I am, taking in calls in this freakin' 4 corners of this freakin' building. That's because I wasn't able to take a time off since our FC told me that there are no more time off slots for March. Drats. So, I'm stuck here.

   And I ain't complaining one bit. Because if my time off request was approved and I went them to Iloilo, I couldn't have talked to my love.

   God, the mere thought of him is enough to form tears in my eyes. But I'm not breaking down. I'm not crying. I have a promise to keep.

   The past weeks have been very lovely. I got to know his personality even more. He's fun to be with. And I mean to the superlative level! And his mind is nothing like I've ever met or seen. Can you believe that he got 89 out of 100 for identifying the capital cities of the countries I had him guess? I mean hey, that's my hobby too. I got a perfect score for that subject back when I was in high school. But that's just 50 countries. And I was studying back then. But him. God, he even knows the capital of countries like Kenya, Cuba, Qatar and some countries no one even gives a damn about their capitals. But him... God. I'm just amazed. I didn't know that God created an amazing creature like him.

   And hey, he can crack a joke or two. And I mean crack it hard. So hard that sometimes it gets on my nerves and hurt me (if you know what I mean). I'm a very emotional person and I'm not used to getting whacked and joked on liked that. He'd joke with things no one would would joke about (as far as I know). He'd joke about a certain Polish girl doing naughty things to him. Or saying that I'm not his first girlfriend and that he has an ex when I remembered him clearly telling me that I'm his first girlfriend. Or even telling me to give him the email addresses of my so called 'hot and single friends' so that he can flirt with them. He even told me that he just want to flirt with them and not do naughty things. Come to think of it. I told him that I rarely get angry but this guy sure knows how to get me burning with anger. And in the end of it all, he'll say that it's all just a joke. I asked him if it amuses him to see me hurt. Know what he said? Without any hesitation, he said yes. Yes because if he does that, he gets to heal me and wipe away my tears away. Normally, if someone else would say that, I'd shake my head and walk away. But for some unknown reason, I find it sweet and touching, hearing it from him. After each and every joke and after each and every rant to it, he'd kiss me in the forehead, saying that he loves me so much  and yeah... he'd definitely go there.

   Talking about his brilliant intelligence and like what I mentioned on my previous posts, he's one who can knock some sense into a person's mind. He just did that to me last night. Again. It's all about trust. Well, I won't go into details but one thing's for sure. I'm not doubting him, more so our love. He clearly said that he will never ever break my trust and I know and I feel that he's saying that from the bottom of his heart. It was he who said about our love being so strong, no one and nothing and he means NO ONE and NOTHING can come between us and break us apart. I'm not holding him to what he said. I know he won't break it. I trust him and his love that much.

   Another side of him is his every romantic and sweet side. His friends are right. Amidst his angry and seemingly demanding and intimidating personality, he's one very sweet and very caring guy. I intended to save all our PMs just to prove how sweet and caring he is. But some of those are gone now and hey, it's a PM - Private Message. Private being the keyword. ^_~ He's spoken words I've never heard of and sentences that melted my heart. I just can't find the words to describe how sweet he is and how important he makes me feel. It's just so overwhelming. It overwhelms me so much that everytime I think about it, I smile a very sincere smile. I'm sure that's what he would want. Especially now.

   He's not gonna be around for 8 days. First because his subscription for his internet service is already up and that he needs 8 days to renew it. Yeah, 8 days. And then there's his exams. Now, I'm not worried about that. I know he can do it. Geez. With a mind like his, I'm sure his exams would be a piece of cake. What I'm worried about his him. And myself. I promised to be his strength for it is me that he draws his own strength from. I promised I won't go weak, or else he'll break.  And no. I won't cry. I won't break down. Because I'm his strength. Even if I'm not with him, his love always remains in me. His love embraces me and it engulfs my entire being. He and his love for me will serve as my inspiration, and my own strength.  Above this all, he said something that really touched the softest part of my heart.

   "I m nothin widout u."

   Right after reading that line, tears started to well up in my eyes again. I was so touched with what he said that I wanted to hug him and just never let him go.

   I came across this very very nice song. This song really touched me so much and I felt as if this song is speaking to the both of us. It's Vanilla Twilight by Owl City. Baby, this song is for you.

    Vanilla Twilight  

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

   Baby, if you're reading this right now. I just wanna tell you that I love you so much. You mean the entire universe to me. You're so valuable, so important, so special to me. You're my happiness. You are the love of my life. You took me away just as the darkness is starting to overcome me. You came in the right time and saved me from the doom I'm about to be in. Don't worry, I'll be your strength. I won't break down. I won't cry. I won't go weak. That's a promise I'll always keep. You're always in my mind and heart and you're not leaving here, just as I'm not leaving yours. You're my hero, my knight, my Midnight. I love you so much. <3 <3 <3.

   So day 1 begins. And I'm going to be strong. I always will.

♥ding♥

February 14, 2010
Sunday

   HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, Minna! ^_^

   Yeah, yeah. I don't know how to say that in Japanese. Geez, I still have a lot to learn, alright.

   Ok, 2 reasons why I'm posting here right now. Let me start with the first.

   TANJOBI OMEDETOU, AKIRA!

   Sendoh Akira. One of the 3 nicest boys in Slam Dunk (together with Kogure and Jin). He's very good natured in spite the fact that people hail him as 'The Genius Of The Court'. He always wears this very cute smile on his face, making him more appealing to fans. Not to mention girls. ^_^ He's also one of the SD guys who you'll never hear the phrase 'ore ga taosu' from, although his ever burning determination remains within him.

   Akira has this really unusual hobby (compared to Kaede's sleeping) - fishing. I don't know but he seems to be entranced by the waters and... well... the fishes. He seems to be really at peace. If you see him on one of those episodes where he's fishing, you'll see what I mean. Has the habit of always being late, both in practice games and real matches. No wonder Taoka-kantoku's face is full of wrinkles.

   Akira may seem to be a laid back type of guy outside the court, but inside it, he's one dangerous player. He's playing small forward. Not the captain of the team but most of the time, he serves as the pillar of Ryonan. All his team mates look up to him, trusting him to lead their team to victory and they have just about all the reasons to do so.

   My first encounter with Akira was during the practice match against Shohoku. Sure Kaede put up a great fight with him at that time. He was even surprised with the freshman's amazing skills. Yet he proved the he was unstoppable. Shohoku could've won if it weren't for him. While Shohoku was celebrating for the victory which was almost theirs at that time, Akira striked. 5 seconds, he got the ball and dashed for their basket. Although Akagi-sempai and Kaede tried to block him, he was able to swerve past their blocking arms and put the ball into the basket. It was then that Kaede realized that he still has a lot to learn and do his best to defeat Akira.

   During the Ryonan-Kainan arc, that was when I saw yet another amazing play of Akira. In my eyes, he totally out matched Maki-san. Not only is he skillful physically but also mentally, proven by the last 3 seconds of their match where Akira tried to make Maki-san commit a foul. If only Maki-san bought that, Ryonan could've won. Kenji realized that too. He even said that someday, Akira will become better than Maki.

   And then there's the Shohoku-Ryonan arc. In here I was able to see all that Akira has got. This is where I saw him give everything for the sake of his team. The amazing passes, the awesome shots, the great steals and his hunger for victory, not to mention his determination to outplay Kaede. But no, Kenji's right. Shohoku's 5 combined are really something else. They fear no one, lose to no one, stop at no one and they just don't know when to quit.

   When Ryonan lost, that was the first time that I saw Akira's devastated expression. And it was really heart breaking. I remember what Maki-san said. He would love to see Akira play in the Inter High tournament. While Kenji, at that time, was just looking at him. And of course I knew that the same thing was on Kenji's mind. And they're both right. It's really a waste of talent. I'd love to see Akira play in the Inter High. I'd love to see Akira perform infront of all those people, for them to see how amazing Sendoh Akira is.

   I can still remember the time when Hikoichi-kun visited Osaka (at least, I think it was Osaka). He went to meet his former classmate and that was also the time when Kishimoto Minori appeared. Hikoichi's former classmate said that the guy was their ace player, Toyotama high being their team. That Kishimoto idiot then said that he wants to play with Akira so that he can shame him infront of everybody.

  That idiot...

   Sakuragi was all it took to shame that Koshimoto prick.

   And I also notice that everytime Akira passes the ball to Koshino-san, he always looks out for the other. Always worried for the shooting guard, especially when Koshino-san was knocked down by Maki-san when he was trying to block the Kainan ace. Anxiety was seen in Akira's face. And one more thing. I notice that everytime Akira passes the ball to someone else, he acts as if he doesn't care. But if he passes the ball to Koshino-san, he'd always look back, seemingly checking if the shooting guard has made the shot or not. And I always consider that very sweet of Akira.

So with that, I just wanna say... Happy happy birthday, Akira! Anata o itsumademo ai shitte iru da yo!

   Ok, second reason why I posted here...

   Someone came across my profile in Zedge last couple of weeks. He told me that he noticed my shout out and that's when he started to talk to me. He actually told me that he thought I was a tomboy, given that my shout out was something like, 'Boy, you just messed with the wrong girl!' I don't know. I just wrote that just in case my ex would access my Zedge profile. I just wanted him to see that.

   What amazed me at first was his observation skills. He noticed that I changed my status. I mean, the guy can see the slightest bit of changes around him! At first, I thought 'this guy is something'. ^_~

   Then, we started talking. Just an exchange of private messages about life. And it was then when both of us changed shout outs. Mine was 'SADNESS: Getting deep into my core'. He must have noticed it, because he immediately asked me if there was something wrong. I said yes there is and there, I told him everything. And then his line came. "Me, too. Something bad happened." Worried, I asked him what's wrong. It was then when he told me that the girl that he loved the most got mad at him. He said that she did not accept his love because she thought about him as his bro. My response? Hell, no. That's not enough reason for her to get angry and for her not to speak to him again. And then he started to tell me everything, and in turn, I gave him advices.

   I guess the incident that deepened our friendship was when he asked permission to access my journal. I gave him the link and he bombarded me with lots of questions about why I am telling myself that I am free when in fact, I'm just waiting for that bastard to get the girl out of his life or why I am lying to myself and things like that. Believe it or not I felt a sudden slap in the face when he said all those things to me. In other words, he talked me out of it. Sure, a lot of people made me realize that it's a mistake to continue my relationship with him. But it was this guy's words that knocked the entire foolishness out of me. That night, I called my boyfriend up and told him that everything between us is over. Everything. Everything.

   It was then I realized, this guy has the knack of putting some sense into anyone's minds. And I thought that he's really something else. Come to think of it, I don't personally know him. I can't even see him. And yet... Such amazing convincing powers...

   Since then, our friendship became even deeper. More private messages, more conversations. He sometimes tells me that he's in a bad mood. I don't know if I should be flattered because he talked to me even if he's not feeling ok or I should be scared because he's in a bad mood and he's talking to me, if you know what I mean. ^_~

   Turns out that this guy is really interesting. I noticed that his English is way better than other people I've ever talked in Zedge. And not a lot of people from his country can speak the way he does. And that really impressed me a lot. And this guy says anything he wants just as long as he knows he's doing the right thing. The guts of this guy... And his courage... And the way he cares for people important to him.

   The guy really is something amazing.

   So again, more messages and more PMs. We continued our usual conversation about life. Everything seemed to me normal.

   Until yesterday.

   We were just having a normal conversation when I told him that those people who do not see how special he is doesn't know what they're missing when suddenly, he told me he likes me. Adding to it, he then said that he's attracted to me. Now, people don't say that much often to me so that came as a surprise. And yeah, I won't go into detail about what he told me after that. ^_^ Then came this question:

   "Will you be my Valentine?"

   I was like, "Oh my God. Is he really serious about this?" Now, I know if a guy's just playing when I see one. And I tell you he isn't one of them. I don't know but I just feel that there's something different about this guy. Something I've never seen in a guy, ever.

   So today, February 14, 2010, Sunday and Valentine's day. This is special not only because it's Akira's birthday but also because something special really happened. That guy made me something so special that I'm sure to keep it forever. Here it is:

   This poem will always have a very special place in my heart. At this very moment, while reading this, tears well up in the corner of my eyes. I still can't imagine that someone would do something as wonderful as this for me.

   He asked me if he can love me. I said yes.

   He asked me if I can love him back. I would be a fool not to. And without hesitation, I said yes.

   And I still stand on what I said to him last time. He loved a girl who never loved him back. Unrequited love. That's something the he really doesn't deserve. I know that he won't forget his first love but at least I'll always be there for him whenever he needs me. I'll make sure that he's happy everytime he talks to me. I'll make sure that he'll forget whatever miseries the world is giving him everytime he's with me.

   That girl just doesn't know what she's missing.

   She just missed making a very special person an important part of her life.

   And oh, you might wonder who he is. His name is Vineet. I call him Midnight.

   My Midnight.

   It may sound wrong when I affixed the word 'my' to his name. But I don't care. What I know is that he's really special to me and I'll always be there for him.

   So all in all, it's one unforgettable Valentine's Day for me. ^_^

   Hope you had a great time today too, minna-san!

   Jaa, mata ashita ne!

♥ding♥

January 31, 2010
Sunday

   GOMEN NASAI! HOUNTOU NI!

   Maa maa, shitte iru yo matta ku! I know that I have not posted in this journal for a long time already! I just had a lot of things to take care of, most of which are matters of the heart.

   Yes, that's right. And well, I'll tell you all since this is the only place that I can rant, you know. ^_^

   Yeah, the time that Kaede has been waiting for has already come. My boyfriend and I are not longer together. Yeah, well he told me that he has another girlfriend. He also told me that he looked for another girlfriend because I never had the time to spend with him. He said that it's because Slam Dunk and Naruto comes first than him. That I exchanged our relationship with those anime.

   This is all I can say: What the fuck?!

   Sorry for the language but really, is that reason enough for him to make it as an excuse for what he did? Can't we sit down and talk over that matter, if that was true, that is. No! All of the people I asked only had one answer: That was the lamest reason he can come up with! Geez...

   But with all this, it still hurts. It hurts that it was just that easy for him to do that, after all these years that we've been together.  It hurts that after all these years, he never appreciated what I've done for him. All he thinks about is himself and himself alone. It hurts that he's putting all the blame on me because I did not meet his expectations that he himself could not be able to meet. I need to break free. Free from the barriers, free from the past, free from the hurt, free from him.

   But what did I do? After all that has happened, I still asked him back. I still asked him to give us another chance, even though he has another girlfriend. I know, I know. I am so foolish and stupid to do that. And I'm starting to realize my mistake already. I know that this is going nowhere. I know that he's still going to be the same. Nothing will ever change in him.

   Before, if he wasn't texting me, I go crazy. But right now? I don't care. I could care even less. I mean, why would I worry about someone who doesn't give a damn about me? Why should I worry about someone who doesn't appreciate me? Right now, today, I have to decided not to give a shit wherever he goes and whatever he does. Let him be. I don't care.

   So can I consider myself free right now? I think so. Honestly, after all what he said about me, I don't care. I just don't care. He's got a job and a house anyway so what does he want from me? I'm done. If he wants to spend time with me then fine. But if he doesn't want to, if he wants to spend more time with his... I don't know, then that's fine. I could care even less.

   But I'm one person who considers the time that we have spent together. So what I do is that I'm not considering him as my boyfriend in anyway. But just a best friend. If he'll text me then fine. If not then whatever it is that he wants to do, he can do. I don't want to have anything to do while he's with that other girl... or guy... or whatever.
     

   So with that, I have decided that starting today, I consider myself free. Free from all his bounds, free from the hurt and free from being a martyr. Enough is enough.

   I know. I can do this. Ganbatte, Ding-chan!

------

Inside the clubhouse, the conversation continues...

All: Eeeeeh?!

Ding: Nani?

Miyagi: Hountou ka, Ding-chan?

Sakuragi: Sou, hountou na no ka?

Ding: Kaede witnessed it all, minna. He was there when it happened. He saw my break down and cry. He saw me hurt. I knew he wanted to punch him but I told him not to.

Kogure: Ja, how are you feeling, Ding-chan? Are you ok?

Sakuragi: No, of course she's not. But eventually, she will feel ok. *looks at Ding* The hurt will be there, Ding-chan. What you went through was not easy and we know that. We witnessed how he treated you and he was getting into our nerves too. But eventually, you'll get through it. You'll forget him in time. Just always remember that if ever you need someone to talk to, if you need someone to cry on, we're all here. We have been together since you were 15 years old and now that you're 22, not to mention hurting, we will never leave you. You need us now more than ever...

All: *looks at Sakuragi*

Sakuragi: Hn? Oi mite ru na yo!

All: *jaw drops*

Ding: *puts hands around Sakuragi* Maa maa, Sakuragi-kun. They're just not used in hearing those words from you, you know. *looks at everyone* Ne, minna-san?

All: *shakes head*

Ding: See?

Rukawa: First time in the history that the ahou made sense.

Sakuragi: Nan da to?!

Ding: Maa maa, yame o futari to mo. *looks at Sakuragi and the rest* Minna, arigato, hountou ni. You've always been there whenever something happens to me and him but you never condemned me or ridiculed me. Instead you gave me all the advice and support that you get. *looks at the Naruto people* Anata tachi, my life became more colorful when I first met you guys. And his reason for cheating on me? Don't you ever believe a single thing about that, ok? That is not true in any way.

All: *smiles*

Naruto: Ja, matte iru wa nan da?

Sakuragi: Doo yuu kotto da?

Naruto: C'mon guys! We have to celebrate this, right? Ding-chan is free from that baka! Let's party!

Kakashi: Now that's something sensible enough.

Shikamaru: This is really troublesome. But sure, why not? We'll all get something.

Kiba: I'll help.

Sakura: Watashi mo!

Miyagi: *looks at the Slam Dunk people* Youn know what to do guys.

All: *winks*

Rukawa: *wraps arms around Ding's waist and kisses her deeply*

Ding: Nani o ima wa?

Rukawa: You're already free, right?

Ding: Sou, jaa nani?

Rukawa: That means I can already do anything that I want to you... *kisses Ding again, deeply*

Miyagi: Matta ku. Those 2 don't really know when to quit.

Jin: They look nice, don't they Shinichi?

Maki: Sou da, Soichiro.

Hanagata: *pulls Fujima closer to him*

Fujima: *leans on Hanagata and puts his arms around him*

Sendoh: Ne, Hiro-kun. Can we do that, too?

Koshino: Yose, hentai teme..

Sendoh: *scowls*

Koshino: *whispers* Later. In our room. *winks*

Mitsui: *holds Kogure's hands*

Kogure: Shitte iru, Hisashi. Shitte iru. *kissed Mitsui on the lips*

(tsuzuite)

------

♥ding♥

You are a Clueless Uke!
Having a good time is what you're all about. You're satisfied just to have someone to eat hamburgers and play video games with, and are completely oblivious to other's manipulative behavior. You don't expect much, and that can be a good thing. You're perfect prey for the Opportunist Seme, who might take advantage of you, but you probably won't even notice, or really care, as long as you're enjoying yourself.

Most compatible with: Opportunist Seme, Romantic Seme
Least compatible with: Sadistic Seme, Don't Fuck With Me Seme

What seme or uke are you? Take the experience at SemeUke.com, or find merchandise here.

♥ding♥